Nomenclature
by Lucea
Summary: Luke has a question. Jade never gives a straight answer when he can give a snarky one. Oneshot, no pairings.


**Disclaimer:** _Tales of the Abyss_ and its characters are copyright Namco Bandai Games Inc. This work is not for profit.

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><p>The lobby of the Keterburg hotel had never looked as beautiful as it did after their second extended trek through the knee-deep snowdrifts of Mt. Roneal. They'd only just found Asch, and they still needed to find the Jewel of Lorelei, do something about the God-Generals, not to mention the miasma – what with all that going on, Nephry's suggestion to take an evening off to relax and watch the falling snow was a very welcome one. After a spectacularly quick loss to Guy at chess, Luke had opted to think instead of try his luck again or join in the drawing game Anise had roped Tear into. Eventually, he tore his gaze away from the darkened window.<p>

"Jade, you were adopted, right?"

The colonel didn't look up at the question. "That's correct."

"How old were you then? Nephry said it was when you were still kids."

Again, Jade continued to read. "I was twelve at the time."

"If you were twelve… that was more than twenty years ago, wasn't it?"

"Your grasp of arithmetic is astounding," Jade said. He finally flicked his eyes toward Luke. "Is there a particular reason for your sudden interest in my childhood, or is this merely your odd sense of curiosity asserting itself?"

"You're one to talk," Anise muttered, adding a mustache, top hat, and monocle to the rappig Tear had just drawn while Luke quailed beneath the red eyes watching him over the top of Jade's glasses. Their owner adjusted the glasses while he responded.

"As are you yourself, Anise." He looked back toward Luke. "Well, Luke?"

"I was just thinking," Luke started slowly, "back when we first met you, you said you weren't used to being called by your family name. But you were adopted twenty years ago. What gives?"

Guy leaned his chair back on two legs. Across the chessboard from him, Natalia flinched. "You know, that's actually a reasonable question," he said, thoughtful. "Everyone in the military calls you Colonel Curtiss, don't they?"

"I suppose that's true." Resigned to not being allowed to continue his reading, Jade glanced at the page number in his book and set it aside. "However, I would hardly call this a military context."

Luke raised his eyebrows. "Oh, so arresting us wasn't in a military context?"

Jade smiled – almost innocently, but the people present knew better. "It's far easier to arrest people who don't consider you a threat, don't you think?"

There was a pause. The legs of Guy's chair thumped against the floor. Natalia tilted her head to the side. "Colonel, you didn't really…"

Jade spread his hands would have picked up his book again if Luke hadn't – cautiously – interrupted.

"...Even so, we kept calling you Jade after you arrested us."

"Not quite," Guy corrected. "Tear and Anise have always called you 'Colonel,' right?"

"We're both in the military," Tear said, passing the paper back to Anise. "It's only natural for us."

"Besides, we wanted you to help us out then, remember?" Anise said, eagerly turning the meadow Tear had just drawn in the background into the depths of Mt. Zaleho. "And we needed your rank. The colonel even got down and-"

"Shut up already," Luke said loudly. Anise looked up, noted how bright red his face was, and returned to her drawing, giggling. "And don't remind me. It's not funny."

"Says you." Anise paused again to stick her tongue out at Luke before putting the finishing touches on her lava spout and returning the paper to Tear.

"Anise, would you-"

Guy coughed loudly into his sleeve before Luke could go on. "Anyway, I guess that is a fair point. Civilians like us wouldn't be used to military titles. We don't call Tear by her rank either, or Anise."

Luke's attention swiveled from Anise to Guy. "Well, yeah, but they travel with us. It would just be weird to call, like, General Cecille or someone by their first name."

"I believe she introduced herself to you in the context of your arrival as emissaries, did she not?" Natalia asked. Luke's brow furrowed. Tear was the one who answered.

"Yes. It was after we reached Baticul with the letter from Emperor Peony." Her pencil carefully outlined an ice seed about to fall onto Anise's lava spout. "It's the same reason the colonel usually introduces himself with his rank and division. It's necessary to the situation."

Luke thought for a moment. "So basically, the only reason we call you 'Jade' and not 'Colonel Curtiss' all the time is because of a complete coincidence." Another pause. "...Jade, are you even listening?"

The colonel in question had long since returned to his book. "I suppose you could think of it that way."

"You suppose?" Luke repeated. He rubbed his forehead. "Geez, can't give a straight answer, can you?"

Jade slid the bridge of his glasses upward with two fingers and glanced past them at the others with a slight smile that was nowhere near innocent. "Unless you'd prefer to think of it as a necessary reminder that I am, in fact, human?"

"...coincidence," Luke, Guy, and Anise chorused.

Tear resisted the urge to put a hand to her forehead and slid the paper back to Anise instead. "Colonel…" Anise looked at the drawing, noticed what Tear had added, and booed.

Jade smirked. "Is something wrong, Sergeant?"

"Should you really be encouraging this?" Tear asked, exactly as Anise burst out, "Tear froze my volcano!"

This time, Tear did put a hand to her forehead. "Colonel…" At the same time, Anise booed again. "Don't do that, Colonel! That's mean!"

Guy chuckled. "And I guess that's another reason we don't call Tear and Anise by their titles."

Luke rolled his eyes. "Like I'd go around calling Tear and Anise 'Sergeant Grants' and 'Sergeant Tatlin' anyway."

"Hey!" Anise shot to her feet, hands on hips. "It's not just 'Sergeant,' it's 'Ionian Ser-'"

"Let's not go there again," Natalia interrupted. Anise booed yet again.

"It's a well-earned title!"

"It's way too long," Guy informed her for the umpteenth time.

"Well, that's not my fault! You can take that up with…" Anise paused. Who did name her position, anyway? "...not me!"

Luke snorted while Guy laughed again. Tear tried to steer the conversation back on track without sighing aloud. "You never did answer Luke's original question, Colonel."

"Hmm, didn't I?" The colonel flipped a page.

Luke considered Tear's point. "Hey, no, you didn't! You just spouted off some stuff about the military."

"Well, it was kind of relevant," Guy said. Luke rounded on him.

"Hey, whose side are you on?"

"Since when are we taking sides?" Anise wanted to know. "Can I be on the Colonel's?"

"Shut up, Anise."

"Hey!"

"So much for relaxing," Natalia said with a wry smile. "Whose turn is it?"

Now fully ignored in the midst of Luke and Anise's bickering, Guy glanced at the chessboard. "I believe it's yours." He pointed at a few pieces. "Check, by the way."

"Did you just put the princess of Kimlasca in check?" Natalia raised her eyebrows, sliding her king over a space.

Guy shrugged, one of his knights closing in on Natalia's king again. "If you think I'm good, Your Highness, you should play Jade some time."

Natalia looked over toward the colonel, who was still reading, now with a slight smile. "Aren't we always?"

Guy grinned. "Heh, fair enough."

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><p>AN: Originally, this was going to be something about how Jade doesn't have very strong family ties to the Curtiss house, but he's too much of a troll to actually give a serious answer when there are opportunities like this lying around.


End file.
